Reality, boo-yah!

So one of the more avid readers of the blog made some comments critiquing my blog. He audaciously suggested that my posts all sound like personal pep-talks in an attempt to reframe the graduate school experience. To make things abundantly clear, since I'm not one who likes to mislead others; yes, I am absolutely trying to brain-wash myself into enjoying the phenomenally humbling and depressing process that is graduate school. That is the whole point of this blog! My readership is intelligent! Wonderful!! I guess aside from the personal brainwashing, some other unfortunate souls may find themselves in my position and find my musings and coping strategies useful or encouraging, or at the very least, let them know that their struggles are not unique. Why that helps us humans, I don't know, but we always feel better if we know others have gone through a difficulty through which we are struggling. Its interesting to think how this contrasts with so many individuals desire to be 'unique', but that's another topic for another time.

Back on track... while a difficult and depressing journey is not the case for everyone's graduate school experience, I've ran myself into quite a deep gulch, forging into the scientific world in an area that is not really studied by my lab, or in fact, anyone at my university. This is what my mother calls a "character-building experience" or "learning from your mistakes." It is not for the faint of heart or the sober of mind. My graduate experience has been a case study in how to make poor major decisions. While my mentor is excellent, and does great science, I stuck with a difficult project that led way outside of the lab's experience, let alone, its expertise. For someone who hopes to sail through graduate school, make a contribution to science, and roll out--this would be a very poor choice indeed.

Interestingly though (beware, here comes the personal pep-talk), this is one of those experiences that actually does make you grow. Like in a fraternity initiation (yes, I just compared grad school to Greek life), you must be broken down before you can rise and become one of the group. It is only through that breaking down and rising back up that one is able to truly understand and appreciate the bond of the brotherhood--or in the case of science, any chance at understanding how the best and brightest, the leaders in the field, think; or how you might actually succeed in a scientific career. In the fraternity, if you let the beating get to you, you're a puss and you're out. In science, if you let the depression, the repeated failure, or the complete lack of progress affect your love for science or your intrigue into seemingly asinine pieces of biology, you'll fail. However, if you can handle the internal destruction of your person and morale, letting it roll off you like water off a duck's back, then you can come out on the other side, publish a paper or two, get the letters of recommendation, and move on to the next step where you can do it all over again at the next level, and then maybe, someday, the complete body of your life's work, just might, possibly in a very small way, illuminate some important aspect of biology. In an even more rare situation, this might impact normal people's health care, and subsequently their lives. Finally, like in a fraternity, such rigor and challenges are always much more enjoyable and make complete sense if you have a few brewski's on board. I highly recommend it.

Response to "A Quibble"

My father-in-law to be sent me this article, which I thought was fascinating. I wrote a response e-mail to him that I thought might be appreciated by the wide-readership (now over 50 hits/month, probably not more than 25 of those by me) that this blog draws.

Please enjoy:

I think it really hit the nail on the head, when the author points out how detrimental (and amazingly prevalent) anti-intellectualism really is. It is incredibly sad, and does not bode well for the future of our country. In a similar vein, its sad to see people label Obama with titles like "elitist"--these degrading terms further that devaluation of thoughtful consideration, intellectual rigor, and the value of science. Reflecting on the article really makes me appreciate the education my parents provided for me--as much as I disagree with some of their religious views--they instilled a high value on knowledge within me, that still motivates me today. Having now spent significant time working to become an expert in some very small corner of science, I'm beginning to appreciate just how hard it is to find the truth on anything. It takes an incredible time of thought and discipline to get to the bottom--or as close as you can--of the issues that present themselves. I think this is a major factor that discourages people who love the immediate gratification of knowing something right away.

My first critique of the article is the lack of acknowledgment that nearly as many people drink the 'left-wing Kool-Aid' without at all engaging or seeking to understand the issues--much like those on the far-right. Secondly, the author didn't mention how necessary it is to learn to deal with uncertainty, and the impact that that plays on the anti-intellectual culture. Seeking to get to the bottom of issues, whether drawing the line on acceptable interrogation techniques, or drawing up a new healthcare model, almost invariably lead you to a conclusion that contains some degree of uncertainty. Learning to accept that uncertainty, and deal with it, is crucial to being comfortable with a decision while maintaining flexibility to respond to changes in the situation at hand. Dealing with and accepting uncertainty is not very enjoyable or satisfying. Contrast this with believing that you know the 'absolute truth' or that your opinion trumps all others, and you can see why a simple-minded anti-intellectual approach would be embraced by a wide sector of people who are seeking rapid gratification in all areas of life.

Focus

I heard a fascinating interview on NPR last night where the host was talking to 'experts' about recent findings in the UK that 1 in 7 people reported anxiety issues. The experts were talking about potential explanations for this high rate of anxiety, which is increased relative to years past.

I was intrigued by the proposed explanation--a loss of personal contact and increased exposure to negative news caused by hard situations in the world, but primarily due to the constant media exposure that people receive these days. The experts hypothesized that since people spend so much more time exposed to news via 24 hr cable, internet news feeds, internet on our mobile devices, etc. that we are subconsciously influenced by the heavy negative outlook on the world that the news media takes. Obviously, negativity sells, so it makes sense that the news outlets share it. The experts forward the idea that by hearing about all the negativity in the world, which there is plenty to worry about these days, people focus on that, and ignore many of the positive things in their lives. Couple that to the personal isolation that occurs when you read/watch TV/surf the interent, etc along with the general stress most people feel these days with layoff concerns, decreased income, etc, you get a generalized increase in stress/anxiety levels.

What most intrigued me though, was the impact that this could have on my graduate school experience. Would spending time reading about the stock market crashing or joblessness or declines in real estate values increase my stress and anxiety? As a graduate student, I have complete job security--unless I spend too much time doing other things, but even that can be forgiven occasionally. So could reading about other's anxiety actually increase my own?

In addition to reading negative news, graduate school has its own constant rate of failure that is inherent to science, especially when you're young and still learning. Grad school also definitely provides plenty of alone time, especially when you've made the choices I made that left me as the only person in my particular field at my university. Together it seems like a recipe for excess anxiety.

The lesson, it seems, is that as a graduate student, we are at significant risk for anxiety related disorders--as most grad students will attest, it is a rather stressful endeavour. So, how do we deal with it? I think the key is staying tuned into the big picture, and then focusing on our work so that we're not distracted or exposed to excess negativity, which can be provided bountifully by all the favorite news sites. For me, the greatest struggle is staying focused on work and not spending time reading news, blogging, etc... hmmm. Back to work, so I can get home and increase my personal contact. : P

Why the economy is the way it is...

I think this article is a fascinating and enlightening analysis of our current financial situation, and why we got here. It's written by two professors from Chapman University, one a Nobelaurette.

Their fundamental hypothesis is that the current crash was/is the second consumer consumption crash:

"We propose is that a financial crisis that originates in consumer debt, especially consumer debt concentrated at the low end of the wealth and income distribution, can be transmitted quickly and forcefully into the financial system. It appears that we're witnessing the second great consumer debt crash, the end of a massive consumption binge."

This reminds me of my earlier post where I argued that American's spending habits, which are/were clearly out of control, would be unsustainable. I hate to echo the words of my father, but he is correct when, as a child, he lectured me that personal integrity and responsibility (which he argues arise from personal morality) are the foundation of a thriving and viable society. I think he's right. We need to start educating all American's on financial responsibility--something that should probably be included as a foundational component of secondary school.

Being a graduate student at a University that severely limits your loan opportunities has taught me this as well; in addition, dealing with debt in the past, I know what a burden extra debt can be, and what a limit it can place on one's life, both physically (can't afford to do things) and mentally (stress, pressure, etc). Hopefully, the lessons learned from this downturn will be strongly ingrained in the those of us who have been through it, and we'll pass them on to our children, like what happened in the great depression, and drove the successful building of wealth for two generations. Since history tends to repeat itself (humans are all still humans), I assume after a generation or two, this will happen again...

I guess the key lesson is the importance of personal financial responsibility--budgeting, tracking expenses, saving, living within your means. All the boring stuff that makes grown-ups lame, but also able to retire and have a roof over their heads.

Battling defeat...

Grad school, as I've mentioned in the past, has been brutal to me (although my non-scientific social polling has led me to believe that this may be an inherent part of the graduate school process). I'm batting 0.000 when it comes to finding important results or having biologically important data. To make it worse, I've had technical difficulties long the way, although, I've gotten to the point where I'm quite confident in my experimental ability. The experiments I'm doing work well technically, but the null hypothesis is prevailing.

At this point, my learning is focused on designing better experiments, so that regardless of the result, I'll produce interesting data that will move my science forward.

Meanwhile, my spirits have been uplifted as I've spent some time thinking about the concepts in the following quote.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt

This idea of trying hard, and taking pride in your effort, has definitely helped my focus. So often I've hung my hat on my accomplishments, which of course, is quite natural. However, there is a time to take pride in the effort that you made, and in 'valiant striving'. I'm beginning to also realize that there is a great deal to learn in our mistakes and defeats.

Furthermore, reframing my thought processes on grad school has also begun to help me fight off the burnout that has been coming on with a vengeance in the last 6 months. By staying more focused on the big picture and adding balance to life, I've been able to accept my struggles and thrive despite the continued uncertainty, primarily about how long it is going to take me to finish my research.

Lastly, having a very supportive partner, who makes life outside the lab wonderful, has also helped immensely. Its helped me realize the value of balance, and appreciate many of the benefits of graduate school, such as controlling my own schedule, not having pressure to be up early and having control over my work and creativity.