...while reflecting on life events, what a contrast graduate school is compared to any challenge I've faced prior. In the past, I've always had an insane work ethic, taking on any job with my typical vigor. This has allowed me to succeed beyond even what I thought possible.
However, with graduate school, my motivation has been challenged, probably in part because of the abstract nature and creativity required to perform many of the tasks at hand. The life of a scientist is daunting, featuring such pleasantries as repeated failure, uncertain future, low reward, unclear direction and often difficult and lonely work environments. Together, these factors can combine to destroy morale and drive, potentially some of the most important ingredients for success in grad school.
To face these issues, one must first acknowledge and recognize their own weaknesses... much easier said than done. Reminds me of the scared passage, which so clearly exemplifies our natural human tendency:
"How can you say to your brother, 'Here, let me remove the speck in your eye,' when you are standing their with a plank in your own eye?"We are so often blinded to our own issues that we never even see them. However, with enough time alone thinking and reflecting--as takes place in graduate school--these issues begin to emerge.
For me, one of the great struggles has been staying motivated, focused, and on task; refusing to be distracted by the numerous distractions that surround us. This has been especially difficult because of the lonely nature of my work... studying something only myself, and to some small degree, my PI, are interested in. Without camaraderie or a rich and engaged research environment, its hard to stay motivated and focused. After all, we are humans, an extraordinarily social species.
Yet this is the very time when character is sharpened and strengthened. Staying focused and fighting the internal distractions and the mental clutter are the very qualities that will enable one to be successful in an incredibly demanding and diverse career, such as that of a physician-scientist. Its striking to see myself facing such challenges, and seriously struggle with them. But in all honesty, what better time to build those character traits than in graduate school when you have the time and freedom to fail and to struggle.
It is a difficult time, not at all like previous challenges, which were clear-cut and physically-demanding, but rather a time where the battle is primarily internal, struggling to refine and build the character necessary to succeed in the challenges that I will face in the future.
I guess its time to embrace the journey, cause life certainly isn't about waiting for the end point.
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