Cynicism is so natural!

Its amazing to me...

...how naturally cynicism can come to anyone, even an optimist like I classically was, when confronted with the realities of graduate school. Imagine working away for three years, on several different projects (most failed, despite hard work), and finally finding your holy grail, the novel important finding--the illusive 'Na-cha-uh Pap-uh'. Then you can't repeat your finding. This is the amazingly difficult and absolutely humbling process that wet-lab scientists get to go through. From what I gather this is not uncommon. Furthermore, you have very little feedback throughout this process, and no definite end in sight. Its absolutely amazing how taxing this can be on one's optimism.

The contrast to medical training is sharp. Its much easier to be strong when there is an end in sight, an end that society appreciates, an end that has rewards such as a comfortable life (assuming you're comfortable working crazy hours, which you probably are if you've made it to this point). Its also something you share--you go through with many other classmates, generating a 'herd effect', which eases the pain.

With graduate school, you don't have an easy way out, there's no concrete end, until you get solid data, and you're on your own throughout the process. And if you don't get data? Well that's even worse--a PhD with no publications? What happened?... Grad school is similar to med school though, in that both require a lot of work, and emotional strength--yet they're differnet even within these similarities. The hard work for medical school is completely dictated by others--you have to be at rounds at 5AM, etc--you have no control over your schedule, whereas the hard work in grad school leaves you complete freedom over your schedule. However, if you want to finish your PhD in a decent amount of time, you'll definitely be working serious hours. With regards to emotional strength, in medical school you have to see difficult situations where people's lives are destroyed; you'll have to talk with people all day long and keep your composure in the face of significant fatigue, patients engaging in self-destructive behavior, and the like. With graduate school you have to stay strong in the face of significant failures and continual frustration. Additionally, you have to be emotionally strong in that you are the one motivating yourself--you have to be the one to push yourself. Its interesting...

...difficult as it may be, I'm certainly very glad to be here, where I have a guaranteed job through the end of my training, and beyond. Much better than struggling out in the real world during a recession.